On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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