i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
