guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
