Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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