Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My ATM looks so different sober.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
