We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
