I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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