Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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