Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
