Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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