I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
