Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
