Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
