This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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