Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
