Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
