I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
4 words: hood of his car
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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