How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
