i may or may not be watching the land before time
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
