help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
