honey bunches of taint.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
