Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
