I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
