what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
