Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So vagazzling was a success
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
