You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
