since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
