I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
