when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish my penis had an off switch
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
