Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize