saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you had me at cake vodka
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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