Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
