I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
