WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
