you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
