The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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