you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
