She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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