about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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