You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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