please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
