I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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