There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
