I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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