dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
