I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.