I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part