I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
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Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar