So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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