all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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