im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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