singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
