just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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