The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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