it hurts more in the daytime
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
