Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
