.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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