More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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