hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
