I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
