im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
