i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
