I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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