New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Drunk is not a location!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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