I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
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he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
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Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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