I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
