Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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