i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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