I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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