i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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