I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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