just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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