He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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