i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
