My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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